When Life Trades You a Curveball
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
Talk about words hitting a bit too close to home!
As many of you may or may not know, Joe recently signed with the Minnesota Timberwolves. Just when you start to get comfortable, you’re in a groove, and things feel good—life happens. Since the news broke, the most common question has been, “How are you feeling?” And the truth is that I’m okay. The process and aftermath of a professional sports trade and/or move look and feel different when you’ve got three kids to care for. While I’ve been trying to keep things light, it’s been a whirlwind behind the scenes.
Holding Down the Fort
Joe and I agreed that I would stay in Orlando with the kids if yet another change in teams happened (which truly, we didn’t see coming). We didn’t want to put them through the ordeal of having to move and leave their home, schools, teachers, and friends behind. We have built an amazing core community here in Orlando and didn’t want to give all that up (again).
Two things can be true at the same time. One, I am doing well and over the moon happy for Joe. He has loved Minnesota and his new teammates and is happier in his new environment. Ask any long-term or married couple, and they’ll agree. When one of you is doing well emotionally and mentally as you both navigate a major life transition, it is a huge relief knowing that you don’t have to worry about them while trying to manage your feelings and thoughts. Two, all of this is really, really hard for me.
“Two, all of this is really, really hard for me.”
Really hard.
With Joe in Minnesota and the kids and I still in Orlando, I’ve taken on more of the family responsibilities day-to-day (it’s not like most of this wasn’t on me already, but hey!). Thankfully, I’m pretty used to managing things on my own when he’s away, but knowing that Minnesota is now his home base adds a new layer of adjustment for all of us. With him being home less often, all the onus is on me to handle nighttime wakeups with the toddler, get the kids ready in the morning, manage meal times, coordinate school dropoff and pickup, buy the pumpkins for the halloween party, do the nightly reading and homework, do bath and bedtime, and all the million little things that come up in between. We are busy at the Ingles household! The twins are involved in more activities now; I manage Jacob’s therapy schedule while battling the unreal exhaustion that comes with being a hurricane toddler parent (that reminds me, I have a 4th birthday party to organise. Noted). And amid all that chaos, I still have my responsibilities as a wife, sister, friend, and businesswoman to maintain.
We have faced so many challenges in the last few offseasons that I’ve lost count. Each year seems to throw us a new curveball, and while we’ve built up resilience, this time feels different. The emotional weight is heavier since it’s not just a job or team change; it’s a real and total shift in our family dynamics. One that comes with a lot of big feelings for all of us.
As Hurricane Milton advanced into Florida a few weeks ago, the kids and I had to evacuate. Schools shut down, and I made an executive decision: we needed to leave immediately. So I packed up three kids, myself, and a dog and made our way to Minnesota. I can’t tell you how lovely it was for all of us to have those few days together. Seeing Joe’s new home and environment was heartwarming. The kids and Joe were ecstatic to be together, and seeing how happy we all were reminded me that no matter how chaotic life gets, the Ingles family is a team that has each other’s backs no matter what.
Learning to Let Go
The pressure to juggle everything perfectly is real, especially as a mum. And guess what? You lose every time. The more balls you try to juggle, the more you will drop. The solution? Drop them all. I know, I know, but hear me out! I bet that the things that cause you the most stress are expectations you’ve made for yourself. Most of the stress I feel is from expectations I set for myself, not those from my family or anyone who cares about me. So now, I’m prioritizing connection, health, and happiness over spotless floors or gourmet meals. The house may not be spotless (is it ever when you have kids?), the laundry may not have been put away yet, and maybe you didn’t rake the leaves (again - oops!). But did you have fun? Did you create memories together? Did you and your kids giggle until your bellies hurt? Those moments matter the most and are also the ones you can’t ever get back.
Building a Support System (Hiring People)
I feel very grateful to have the privilege to bring on help.
We’ve hired a full-time personal assistant in the last few months and brought on an au pair to help me with the kids. At some point, I had to have a candid conversation with myself, and I realized that I couldn’t do any of this alone. Asking for help wasn’t natural for me, but here’s the thing: when I let go a little, I can show up much better as a mum, partner, friend, and businesswoman. The stakes are high for me. I can’t afford to grit my way through life anymore. If I’m burnt out, then I’m no help to anyone. The benefit - and beauty! - of having help is collaboration and community-building. It means that my kids have another person they love, trust, and feel safe with, in addition to mum. It might look like taking on school pickup so I can go to an appointment without having to reschedule for the third time or handling bedtime so that I can take a meeting or have someone available to watch the kids if I want to spend some much-needed quality time with Joe. I want my kids to remember their mum not as someone who constantly overextended herself and was too busy to enjoy their childhoods but as someone who modeled what it looked like to be human. Someone who wasn’t afraid to say, “Actually, no, I don’t got this. Can you help me?”
“Actually, no, I don’t got this. Can you help me?”
Team Ingles, Always
Whether navigating team trades or sacrificing folding the laundry for doing a puzzle on the floor with your kids, the point is that you and your family are a team. There are no trades, no off-seasons. Sometimes you’re the coach calling the plays, sometimes you’re on the court going full speed, and sometimes you’re on the bench catching your breath. No matter what position you play, you’ve got people in your corner who have got your back—no matter what.
Life is going to happen regardless. It’s inevitable. Just remember that it’s always okay to ask for help when it does.
Nae xx
